Perfect Mother

Who would’ve known that by becoming a mother I would also become a perfectionist? Maybe I’ve been one all along and I am just now realizing it. Who knows.  Honestly, I care way too much about what others think of me. I like to pretend that this isn’t true, but it is. One of my biggest fears is going to the grocery store with Harper and having him scream his head off while others just stare at me. Why? Because I don’t want everyone around me to think I don’t know what I’m doing. True story. Even now, as I am typing this, I am afraid of what some of my readers will think of me.

247moms posted to Twitter the other day and said “delete the phrase ‘Perfect Mother’ from your vocabulary.” It really struck me because while I would never say out loud that I want to be a perfect mom, I’ve definitely thought it before. Even though I know “perfect” doesn’t exist when you’re human, it’s still something I’ve longed for in motherhood. I know this is wrong and it’s a thought process I want to get rid of, so in honor of being an imperfect mom and in an attempt to embrace that, I’m going to share some of the not so perfect mistakes I’ve made since becoming a mom. Here goes nothing:

  • Once, in the middle of a diaper change, I turned around to get something. When I turned back, Harp had peed all over the place – he even had it on his face 😦 Ok…truthfully, this has happened multiple times LOL.
  • This one is by far the worst and I really don’t want anyone to know that I did this, but I’m going to be brave and share it anyways. I was under the weather one day and decided to go to the grocery store. When I arrived, I realized that I had not buckled Harper into his seat. Pretty sure my son would’ve been safer with a stranger that day.
  • I accidentally turned the monitor off in my sleep one night (we can’t hear Harper crying from our room). I didn’t wake up until about 5AM and Harper of course was screaming bloody murder. Who knows how long he had been crying. I now set my alarm because I’m always afraid I’m going to do that again.
  • Sometimes if I need to get something done, I’ll sit Harper in front of the TV to distract him. He is like a moth flying towards the light when that thing is on.
  • Remember when Harper had the old man bald look going on? Well that was my fault. Apparently I rubbed his head too hard with the wash cloth. His hair all came out once I rinsed him off with water. Go me.
  • For the first three months of his life, I let Harper sleep on the boppy in his crib.
  • During the first few weeks of his life, Harper got fed pretty much any time he cried. I was afraid to let him cry for more than a second and most of the time I didn’t actually know why he was crying, so I’d just shove a bottle in his mouth. Thankfully he is now on a schedule, so I usually know what’s wrong with him.

So that’s it for now. Harper just woke up and I don’t want to add neglecting him to that list 😉

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3 thoughts on “Perfect Mother

  1. Kristy says:

    Oh Ash! In no way is it bad mothering when The Harp peed on himself! The other day Lucy pooped and it shot out of her diaper, went all the way up her back and into her hair. When i finally got the poo cleaned up she peed all over herself and her clothes and soaked the changing pad! Also, I have totally forgotten to buckle in each of my kids once. And I have one to add, both of my kids have fallen off my bed ONCE. It only takes one time for you to realize they are too mobile 🙂

    Love you my friend! You are an AMAZING mom!! Can’t wait for another phone convo 🙂

  2. Kathryn says:

    Ash, first off . . . sorry for my silly generic response to your comment on my blog. Totally missed that!!! Anyway, let me persuade you to continue to embrace imperfection . . . I wish I had SOOOOOOOO many years ago. Still learning that lesson 😉 BTW, I let Maddie fall out of her carseat carrier one time b/c I didn’t buckle her in. [Wait, maybe that explains a lot . . . J/K] Seriously, though love you, Benj and Harper mucho. And keep recording all this. It’s an awesome breath of fresh air.

  3. Katie says:

    I let Arnold eat chocolate…. does that count as bad mothering? 😉 Haha. No, really, you are a GREAT mother and it has been fun watching you take to being a mommy so well!

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