Hope.

I constantly sit down with the intentions to write, and then never do. I’m just tired. It’s been almost a month since we landed in Virginia and we’re still not fully unpacked. The necessities are out. The flower wallpaper that was in Harp’s nursery is gone (and it was a pain in the butt to remove, by the way!). We painted over the purple walls with blue and brown. The dishes are clean. Clothes are washed. Overall the house is in pretty good shape. But…a lot of our crap is still in boxes. We own way too much “stuff”. Every day there is a to do list a mile long and we never reach the end of it. I’m not complaining. I actually like it. Benji and I are both home at the moment, so it feels like every day is Saturday. We spend our time playing with Harp, doing house and yard work and running errands around town. Even though we aren’t completely done, it feels like we’re getting a lot done every day, and we ARE! It’s pretty nice.

The job search is ongoing, for both of us. I had a nanny job lined up that seemed like it was going to fall perfectly into place for me. It would have been great for me and Harp. I came home early from Alabama to meet with the mother. I spoke to her the day before we were to meet and she said she’d call the next day to let me know when and where. Well…she never called. I surprisingly wasn’t too upset about it. I do wish she would’ve given me the courtesy of a phone call, but I wasn’t really worried about what I would do job-wise since that fell through…if that makes sense.

I have good days and bad days when it comes to the whole job thing. Obviously, that was a good day. I still can’t believe I let it roll off my shoulders like that – totally not my personality – I worry about everything! Today has been half and half. It truly feels like a roller coaster ride for me. I know that the Lord will take care of us, but my heart wants to feel something different sometimes. There are days when my heart feels what my head knows. Those days are great! And then there are days where the fear gets the best of me, and I’m consumed with worry. A little time with Jesus usually corrects that – that’s why today was half and half 🙂

Benji got another job rejection yesterday, so our day didn’t really start off that great today. He had an interview at a school this morning and I was so hoping that we would know something by today so that I could feel happy again. We weren’t given an answer and were instead faced with more waiting. I was bummed. Way, way bummed. But then I realized that I was putting my hope in the wrong thing. I was putting it into a job, rather than in the Lord. Hello…dumb. With that little revelation, Jesus took all my worries away! So a new, recharged and joyful Ashley is blogging for you now. I have hope and lots of it! I really can’t wait to see what the Lord has in store for the Martin family.

Life is good. For now, I’m just trying to enjoy my time with Benji and Harper. You know when you’re doing something and you suddenly realize that it’s a moment that’ll forever be etched into your memory, so you try to remember every little detail about it? Like the way the wind was blowing, or how the sun was shining through the trees, or how your baby boy’s hair smelled? (Hopefully I’m not the only weirdo that does that). Anyways, I’m having those moments EVERY day right now! Benji and I are both off work and we are getting to spend SO much quality time with just the three of us. This time is so precious to me. Seriously. I love it.

I’ll say it again. My life is good. My God is good.

Nite y’all.

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2 thoughts on “Hope.

  1. Katie says:

    Are you writing this from Ashley’s perspective or Katie’s? (My “baby boy” could be Arnold…. and his hair stinks… so…. guessing this is about you.) 🙂 This post made my heart happy. Putting our trust in Jesus, not jobs or incomes or house repairs. That’s good stuff, my friend. I love you and your presh little fam. I’m glad that we are in this together – and just a reminder from Jon Quitt that just because our days/life/whatever is bad, God isn’t. He is always Good and EVERY good and perfect gift comes from Him – Benji’s current joblessness is a gift. I just hope (for you) it isn’t a gift that lasts too terribly long… haha. Praying for you guys always!!

  2. bekah braden says:

    I sooo needed to be reminded of those truths, Ashley! Thanks for sharing. I’m working through some of the same stuff and it gets overwhelming at times. If I can take things day by day and put my trust in the Lord and not in other “stuff” then He’ll take control and I don’t feel like I have to “fix” everything. Whew! That’s easier said that done….but I have hope in my Lord!

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