A Four Letter Word I Hate


I hate that word. With a passion. I’ve never been a very patient person, so being told to wait is similar to torture for me. So it figures that God has told me to wait ūüėČ

I wanted to share this story yesterday, but I chickened out. In the spirit of being completely transparent with you guys, I’m a little afraid of people thinking I’m either a). psycho or b). a liar.

There’s also a part of me that hates to tell people how I pray. ¬†Praying has always been a secret affair for me. I talk to God all throughout the day, but dude…I hate doing it out loud. I am not a fan of praying in public. Truthfully…if you’ve ever heard me praying in public, I’m gonna go ahead and say it wasn’t authentic because I was likely a nervous wreck. Just being real.

When I pray in public, I feel like I have to cross my T’s and dot my I’s. ¬†Everything must be proper. “Mr. God, thees and thous,” etc. When it’s just me and Jesus, we’re on a first name basis. I don’t worry about offending others by the way I talk to him. You see…me and Jesus are slightly gangsta. He calls me his main squeeze. I like to give him mental high fives, and talk to him just like I would talk to any of my close friends. We even have a secret handshake. Okay, not really on the secret handshake, but you get my drift. I let my guard down whenever I pray to God and no one is around. And sometimes I make really ridiculous requests that I would normally never share because they are so…ridiculous! Today however, I’m going to share a ridiculous prayer that I prayed because I feel like everyone needs to see just how awesome God is, and how much he cares for us.

I’m sure you all remember my post about the house drama.¬†If not, just go to that link and you’ll have an interesting read about the roller coaster ride we’ve enjoyed for the past week. When I wrote that blogpost on Wednesday, I was having a major pity party. MAJOR pity party. “Oh, woe is me, because things aren’t going according to MY plans.” ¬†blah, blah, blah.

Late that evening, God gave me a vision of a mother in a grocery store. Her cart was full of groceries. She stood about a foot away from her overflowing cart, and had her arms crossed. Her toddler was in the floor screaming for a candy bar and she was just standing there…arms crossed…watching.

The mom represented God. I was the toddler. The candy bar was my desire for a house, and the overflowing cart represented God’s provision in my life. It was very humbling when I finally saw that I was throwing a temper tantrum over one small want, when I had a cart full of needs that had already been met. Instead of dropping to my knees and praising God for everything he had already given me, I was screaming for MORE stuff. How obnoxious.

When I went to bed that night, I was still feeling pretty defeated. I was sorry for my toddler tantrum, but still didn’t know what to do about the whole house thing. Where should we go? What should we do? Etc. I had a panicky feeling in my gut, and as a result, was having trouble falling asleep. I decided to open up my Bible app while praying that God would give me something to cling to for encouragement. The verse of the day was Psalm 27:14:

Wait for the Lord;
be strong and take heart
and wait for the Lord.

WAIT. I ended up going and reading the entire chapter. I connected with several of the verses, but this one really stuck with me. And I felt God saying to wait on him. But…wait for what exactly? And when would he move? What would he do? And what if I waited, and nothing happened?

All of these questions began swirling inside my head and then I started thinking that I probably hadn’t heard from God at all. I began to think that maybe I was just desperately looking and wanting to hear something so badly, that I was making something out of nothing.

That’s when I prayed the ridiculous prayer. “Alright God…I need a sign. If that was really from you, I need a friend to text me a scripture. Then I’ll know.”

Really? lol. I don’t know why that’s the sign I chose, but that’s what I asked for. I wasn’t even specific about the scripture. Someone could have sent me John 3:16 and I would’ve said “okay, I hear you loud and clear, God!”

But no…he decided to freaking blow my mind.¬†I woke up around 11:40pm to this picture from my friend Jenn:


Is your mind blown? I hope so, because holy moly.

Go, Jesus! You rock. Thank you for answering completely ridiculous prayers and caring enough about your toddler to send encouragement her way ūüôā

So wait.

Wait for what? I still don’t know, and I don’t even care. I’m just waiting. He’ll let me know what’s up when it’s time. Until then, I’m gonna try to get comfy.

Popcorn anyone?

2 thoughts on “A Four Letter Word I Hate

  1. Melinda Hoid says:

    Ok, I have goose bumps! And can I tell you, I am so glad to hear that I am not the only one who panics when it is time for public prayer!! I’m like you, just me and God – he understands me! Hang in there Ashley! I can’t wait to see what God has planned for you next!!!!

  2. […] the house drama¬†that went down about six weeks ago, and THIS post I wrote afterwards? Well…we waited. We didn’t know what we were waiting for, or […]

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