Monthly Archives: November 2014

The Wiener Book

Moms. Do you ever have days where you just have no idea what you’re doing? I have them often. Well…every day, really, because seriously…I don’t know what I am doing. Help me, Jesus!

I am indecisive about everything. The smallest of decisions can give me problems, so when it comes to decisions that affect my children….well, you can imagine. It might take DAYS before I decide on how I should handle something. Every possible scenario and consequence will pop into my head. My brain is like one of those choose your own adventure books.  Like…is giving my son a chick-fil-a french fry today somehow going to lead him down the path of becoming a serial killer tomorrow? You know…those types of things. Or maybe you don’t know because you’re not a freak like me. Whatevs.

But I am like this EVERY. DAY. So imagine my level of confusion (on how to handle things) when my son handed me The Wiener Book. Yeah…you read that right. THE WIENER BOOK. What in the world, right? My thoughts exactly.

Read on.

Harper told me this morning that he wanted to make a book. I handed him a folded blank notecard and told him to have at it. He came back and handed me his creation. He had it folded closed, and was calling it My Name Book. I opened it to find the letter H written inside. I smiled and told him what a great job he had done. He immediately asked for it back saying that he wanted to draw a picture of himself inside. I handed it back and he ran off. A few minutes later he returned and excitedly told me that he had drawn his wiener. I opened it up to find a self portrait that indeed included his “wiener” and I was speechless. IS THIS REAL LIFE?

He also informed me that it was no longer called My Name Book, but instead was now called The Wiener Book.

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I sat frozen, not really sure of what to do. On the one hand, I was really impressed that he had put it in the right location. That’s what she said? Sorry, I had to. But seriously, y’all…he just started really drawing about a month ago and has already made so much progress. I think it’s awesome!

On the other hand, though, what if he starts drawing pictures of his junk at school? Or worse…AT CHURCH? Holy Moses, that would be embarrassing.

Though I was frozen in my indecisiveness, my insides were BURNING with laughter. Phew. I held it in, and put on a shaky smile. I kept quiet, aside from a quick thank you, and acted like his wiener picture was the most normal drawing I had ever received. I just didn’t want to decide what to do right then and there. Instead, I texted Benji to see if maybe he knew where our family stood on wiener drawings. He thought it was funny.

So now I feel like I need to decide on what kind of mother I want to be.

Here are my options:

A). The Hippie Mom: The human body is a work of art and should be valued and appreciated as such, even by the littlest of souls. Wieners are no laughing matter. They are beautiful. Any time one is drawn, it will be proudly displayed upon our family fridge, full of organic non-GMO food.

B). The Conservative Mom. No wiener pictures allowed. Ever. No ifs, ands, or butts (none of those either!) about it.

C). The Hipervative Mom. A mixture of A & B. The kids are allowed to draw any and all artsy fartsy pictures so long as we are at home. When in public, no wieners or butts allowed. But where do I draw the line? Can they draw boogers? Farts? Etc. I need to go ahead and write the laws on this because these scenarios WILL COME UP.

So…these are the mom choices that are before me. I’ve got my #2 pencil sharpened and ready to go, but I have no idea what I’ll pick. Stayed tuned for my decision. I’ll let you know in about a week. Not really, but it’s fun to hope.

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