Monthly Archives: April 2015

My Super Honest Thoughts At The Halfway Point

Okay. So technically, I’m not halfway there yet. I’m only 18 weeks. But…we’re just going to pretend that I’m already at the halfway point. I’m tired and I have to blog when I feel like it, not when it’s the right time.

So, here I am today…at 18 weeks. Our anatomy scan is tomorrow. We’re going Team Green with this pregnancy, and won’t be finding out the gender. So far, I haven’t been anxious to know AT ALL. I have a son and a daughter, so I have all I need. There’s just not really any pressure for me to know. However, I think I will struggle at the ultrasound tomorrow simply because the information will be at my fingertips. Benji and I aren’t really great with surprises. In the 11 years that we’ve been together, we’ve never made it to Christmas with Christmas gifts to open for ourselves. As soon as we get the gifts, we cave and let each other open them because we get so excited! So imagine the temptation we will feel tomorrow! If we can make it past the appointment without finding out, I think it’ll be smooth sailing from here on out! Fingers crossed!

This pregnancy has been unbelievably easy on me. Definitely the easiest one I’ve had so far. I’m tired, but that’s about it. I had some mild nausea and aversions in the beginning, but those have all passed now and I feel relatively normal. I’m glad to be eating my favorite veggies again, now that they don’t make me sick! I’m just blown away by how good I’ve felt for the past 18 weeks! I feel blessed for sure.

Hmmm. Cravings? None really. I mean…there’s definitely food that I want, but it changes every day. Bacon. Cake. Veggie soup. Glass bottle cokes. etc. etc. etc. I don’t have anything that I just constantly want every single day.

The most noticeable difference between this pregnancy and my last two has been my hunger level. I am starving about every two hours…no matter what I eat! It drives me insane, and I feel like I always have to have food with me because if I get hungry and nothing is there, I get super sick! Another difference is that I started showing a lot sooner this time. I’ve always heard that the more babies you have, the sooner you “pop”. Well…that has been true for me.

FullSizeRenderThe difference between 10 weeks and 14 weeks. I mean…whoa.

and then 16 weeks:

FullSizeRender(1)I was 23 weeks pregnant with Harper before I had a bump like that. Geez.

Honest moment here. I’ve really been struggling with body image and the idea of gaining weight with this pregnancy. With Harper and Emrist I didn’t really worry about what I gained, but for some reason, it’s always at the forefront of my mind with this pregnancy. I think it’s because I’m so hungry and I’m eating A LOT. I think it also may be because I lost it with ease after Harper came (like literally…40 pounds was gone three days after his birth, and I had only gained 30 lbs!), and then with Emrist it took me FOREVER to lose it. Like, a year and a half. And I had to work a lot harder than I did the first time.

I just keep thinking…how much harder will it be to lose the baby weight after #3 gets here? It seems that with each pregnancy I have, the weight is harder to get off. Maybe it has to do with my thyroid issues, or maybe it’s just my aging body. I don’t know, but I’d be lying if I told any of you it doesn’t bother me. I know it doesn’t really matter in the scope of eternity. A number doesn’t define who I am as a person. I know that stuff in my head, and I know that’s how I should feel…but I’m still struggling with “the number” in this season. That’s just where I’m at right now. Trying to keep it real 🙂

Sorry for that downer moment.

Let’s see what else. How about my feelings on becoming a mom of three? Well…I have been mostly unphased by the thought of having three children. I keep thinking “Meh…I’ve had two babies…I think I’ve got this mom thing down. I can do it. We’ll just go with the flow, pray, and get through it. It’ll be fine. We’ll be fine.”

^^^^THAT right there scares me though. The fact that I’m not panicking and the fact that I think I can handle three children. Isn’t that generally when one gets kicked in the face by reality….when they least expect it?

That was my experience with Harper anyways. I had heard so many stories about how hard parenthood was, about moms who dealt with PPD, etc. And every single time I heard one of those stories I thought to myself “That won’t happen to me.” I even secretly thought a newborn wouldn’t change our lives very much (LOL!!!!). I was the oldest of four and I had been a babysitter for years. I knew children. How hard could it be?

Oh poor, poor 2010 Ashley. I want to go back in time and slap that silly girl in the head. I think motherhood was especially hard on me after Harper came because I thought I knew everything and was begging to be humbled. Well, I got a large dose of humility in the form of my son. He really shook up our world and I struggled a lot. A LOT. I’m just a little afraid that I’m going to struggle again because I feel so…comfortable in my motherhood now. Does that make sense? I definitely wouldn’t say I’m a know-it-all this time…I just feel at ease, I guess. I’ve been living in Babyland for four years now, so it’s my home and I feel comfortable. Hopefully that fact won’t buy me a good shakin’ from reality 😉

Okay. So that’s about it for now. See you in another month or so!