Epilogue

IMG_9473

This showed up in my Facebook feed yesterday. I doubled over laughing when I saw it because it’s exactly what my life looks like right now.

Most of our close friends and family already know this, but Benji had a vasectomy back in December. We had been considering it the whole time I was pregnant with Mae, but after the leg/bladder fiasco following her birth, we knew for sure it was the route we wanted to take. I love having children…we both do, but I HATE being pregnant…with a passion.

After Mae was born, we talked extensively about the fact that we may still want more children later on, but at the moment we were maxed out, both financially, and on attention we could give to each child. We decided that since we were currently maxed out, and since I’m fertile myrtle, but never wanted to be pregnant again, Benji would go ahead and get a vasectomy. Since we weren’t sure if we were technically “done” with children, we talked about fostering later on, perhaps when the kids were all in school. It seemed like a win/win situation and it felt like the right thing to do.

Even though it was likely years down the road, I was excited about the thought of fostering. I went through all of our baby clothes three weeks ago (to get rid of them!) and absentmindedly started pulling pieces to save just in case we ever had another baby in our home. That’s when I realized just how badly I wanted to eventually foster.  The thought of it warmed my heart, and honestly….kept me from crying while getting rid of the clothes that Mae had outgrown!

Then last Tuesday, my friend April sent me this text:

IMG_9452

When I got it, I just smiled…hoping again that our family would look like that one day. Little did I know that while I was hoping our family would eventually look like this through fostering, God had something entirely different in store for us.

This past Saturday, after days of feeling extremely tired and sick and thinking maybe I had diabetes or cancer, I found out that I was actually pregnant.

Pick yourself up off the floor and continue reading.

Phew. Yes. I am pregnant. And I’m just going to be honest here…I’ve been feeling the need to defend myself to everyone because I have a four month old and in the world’s eyes this is irresponsible. And truthfully, it’s a little embarrassing too. But Benji and I literally did everything right to not get pregnant. We used condoms every time. Every time! I’m breastfeeding. My cycle never returned. HE HAD A FREAKING VASECTOMY. The only thing we can conclude is that God must really want this baby to be here.

I saw my OB on Monday. It just so happened that I had my yearly exam scheduled for that day. She was able to do a physical exam and determined that I am already 8-9 weeks along. Good Lord. I will have a dating ultrasound this Friday and will know more then. My hCG levels looked great, but my progesterone was low, so I’m having to take progesterone pills until I hit 12 weeks. I just can’t even believe I’m talking like this again.

The fact that this baby is impossible has actually brought me a great measure of peace over the past few days. I’ve always wanted four children. ALWAYS. However, Benji and I aren’t loaded, so if we had done or planned this ourselves, I would be so immensely worried about how we would make it work. Right now, that’s not even on my radar. I don’t have to figure all of that out. God made this happen, and I believe he will cause everything else to fall into place. He’s good like that.

I’m reminded of Harper’s story. You can read that here: Harp’s story. God is good, y’all. He is. He loves us so much!

I am excited…and thrilled…and still in absolute shock. This is an amazing miracle!

I’ve been watching this over and over again because it’s exactly how Benji and I reacted and it makes me laugh:

Poor Benji didn’t even want me to test because he said I was being paranoid and it was impossible. Hahahaha!

I’ve been getting some pretty great responses to the news…and because I love my friends, and want to remember their responses, I’m going to share a few here. Sorry, guys.

IMG_9476

IMG_9478

I love you, Rodney. Thanks for making me laugh and for always saying what everyone else is thinking! ❤

And then there’s my BFF’s reaction

IMG_9509

I had to cross my response out because my language was a bit…over the top. I was still in the shock phase and the eff word was flying. But Stacey’s response was too good not to share. So…there.

I love my friends.

So yeah. There’s that. I’m pregnant. And since Mae missed the school cut off by one day, she and this two baby will be in the same grade once school starts! HA.

But wait…I have some more news to share!

My endocrinologist called me two days ago and asked me to come into his office. My biopsy results came back and were “suspicious”. They could neither confirm nor deny cancer, so they are recommending complete removal of my thyroid ASAP. Since I am pregnant, I will have to wait until the second trimester to have the surgery. The doctor said the baby would be fine, but naturally…I’m still a little nervous.

They won’t know whether or not it’s cancer until after they take it out and test it. If it IS cancer, thyroid cancer isn’t super aggressive, so I can wait to do radiation and all that jazz until after the birth. Phew.

So…basically this blog is just me dropping huge bombshells on everyone and asking for prayer. Lots and lots of prayer.

Please know that I’m okay. That’s the question I’ve been asked the most over the past few days…are you okay? I am SO okay. I really am. Yes…it’s a lot to process. And I’m definitely still in shock that I’m here…but I’m also finding great humor in it. God knows that I love a good joke and surprise. I feel so loved by Him and I have peace that this will all work out. With the thyroid stuff, I feel that they’ll remove it and it won’t even be cancer. That’s just what I feel in my gut. So I haven’t even been worried about the stuff that will follow. My main hibby jibby right now is having surgery on my neck. I have neck phobia…and surgery phobia. Not to mention I’m pregnant. It’s just such a weird situation to be in! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh!

So, besides prayer, any positive stories you can share with me would be greatly appreciated. I’ve already heard a few encouraging stories of pregnant woman having this done, and it just helps to hear those things! The more I hear, the better!

Thanks, and sorry for the shock! Ha.

 

Advertisements

One thought on “Epilogue

  1. […] I was having ANOTHER baby (#irishtwins). It was so beyond unplanned…you can read about that here. Two days after that shock, I got another shock…my biopsy had come back as […]

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: