Category Archives: Baby Sleep

Nothing Gold Can Stay

I never get to hold my baby anymore. If he’s awake, he’s roaming around, discovering, touching and destroying things. If he’s asleep, he’s in his crib – he won’t go to sleep if we’re holding him. Just won’t do it. 

He fell asleep in the car today and I managed to get him out without waking him – what an achievement! Instead of putting him straight into his crib, I decided to sit in the rocking chair with him and do that creepy parent thing where you just stare at your child and think “how are they mine?”

I was reeeeeeeeeeeeaaaally soaking it up – the sounds of his breathing, the innocence of his face, the small jerky movements of a person falling into deeper sleep – and then I started thinking about stuff crap.

“I need to fold the towels. I need to do the dishes. Man…I REALLY need to wash my hair…it’s gross. This is me time. I need to use it while I have it.” etc. etc. etc.

And out of no where “Nothing Gold Can Stay” by Robert Frost popped into my head. I saw Harper as a young boy, a teenager and then as a man on his wedding day. Before I knew it, I was crying because I realized a day will come when I won’t be able to hold him anymore. A day will come when I’ll have to let him go.

I’ve always known this, I just try not to think about it. It’s one of those truths in life that, while being good, still hurts like hell. Today I was thankful for the reminder though. My days are numbered and I need to live them. I need to soak up every moment with my little boy. And I need to cherish the moments that I am fortunate enough to spend holding him because I’m not promised anymore.

Nature’s first green is gold,
Her hardest hue to hold.
Her early leaf’s a flower;
But only so an hour.
Then leaf subsides to leaf
So Eden sank to grief,
So dawn goes down to day.
Nothing gold can stay.

 

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Cherishing the Moments.

My Harper does not like to cuddle. I’m not much of a cuddler either, unless we’re talking about Benji or Harp. I’ve never been a fan of hugs, and things of that nature (PS: side hugs are okay…just the full hugs bother me). Anyways, it seems my aversion to cuddles/hugs was passed on to my son. He seems to feel confined whenever we try to hug him. He doesn’t get mad, he just pushes us away. I think if he would’ve had full use of his arms at birth, he probably would have fought the cuddles then too. He definitely fought being swaddled. 

He’s been going to sleep on his own since about four months of age. All I have to do is lay him in his crib or pack & play, hand him his bunny and he goes to sleep. I’m so happy that he does this, but I also miss being able to rock him to sleep (he won’t let me anymore). He’ll sit in my lap and let me hold him, but he won’t fall asleep on me…ever! He just looks around and studies everything in sight.

Today I had a rare moment with him. I had been out all morning with my friend Jennifer. We went to yardsales, ran errands and then we decided to go to lunch. Harper hadn’t had his morning nap, so he was very tired. He fell asleep in the car and when I picked him up to go inside the restaurant, he woke up, and then laid his head down on my shoulder and went right back to sleep. I know it’s probably stupid to blog about it, but my heart got so warm and fuzzy. It was just…special. We went inside and ate and my sweet little boy slept on my shoulder almost the entire time…even while I was eating a hamburger over his head.

Of course I took a picture of the sweet moment, because who knows when/if it’ll ever happen again:

I LOVE HIM.

The Bird

No…this isn’t about THE bird. It’s about my bird…Harper 🙂 There are about a million and one names that I call my Harper. I don’t know why, but I very rarely call Harper by his name. Instead I call him by one of many nicknames that I have for him. Here are just a few:

Sweet Pie
Booger Bear
Bird and/or Little Bird
Pumpkin Pie
Monkey
Harp Harp
Fussy Gus
Little Love
Prince
Silly Goose
Hun Bun
The Harpster

The list goes on and on. Y’all probably think I’m weird…especially because I call my son Booger Bear, but this post isn’t about that nickname unfortunately. It’s about why I call him bird. The reason is simple – he sounds like one.  He makes this high pitched squealing noise when he is playing! It’s the cutest thing ever! Occasionally, I’ll wake up at midnight to the sound of the Bird on the monitor. I love it. The other night he woke up at nine and started doing it, so I had to video it. Here it is:

Have I mentioned lately that I just love him? I can’t really blame the Duggars for having 19 of these. Harper makes me want a bazillion. So much joy. I love it.